Without Words
by Diana-Jae
Summary: Leaving someone you care about is tough, but going back to them is even tougher. A HieiBotan fic. AU


**Without Words**

**Author Notes**: Even though I'm really big on Kurama/Botan fics, I was actually itching to try something new. So here goes my first Hiei/Botan fic. 

This piece of amateur literature is actually suggestive, so if you are even the least bit bothered by the mildest hints at sex and mature themes, then am-scray because that issue comes up quite a lot in this fic. (No, this isn't a lemon. You perverts… get away from me.) The last thing I want is for you to be clawing at my face screaming bloody murder and accusing me of de-virginizing your virgin minds.

Also, if you've ever read any of my other YYH fics, you'll notice that I'm pretty damn notorious for writing AU's, and this is absolutely no different. And admittedly, Hiei is very OOC. Other than that, I hope you enjoy, and as this is my first H/B fic, I would like to take this time to apologize in advance if this story sucks absolute ass. . 

I'd deeply appreciate any comments or other criticisms. It might help me if and when I decide to write another H/B fic (it will be a lot lighter than this T_T). Well, happy reading. =]

**

Botan silently walked out of the reception hall, the bride's bouquet still in her hand. 

She had not fought like the other girls to catch the assortment of fresh flowers. In fact, she wasn't even looking at Keiko as she traditionally tossed it over her shoulder to the unmarried women; she stood the farthest hoping that she wouldn't be caught in the girls' shoving, completely unexcited.

When the flowers had unexpectedly made their chance landing in her hands, she blanched despite her friends' cheers, words of congratulations, and even a couple of jealous remarks. She was genuinely happy for Yuusuke and Keiko, but she just wasn't feeling the mood of the occasion. 

There were other current problems that were plaguing her thoughts.

She sighed and trudged down the long hallway towards the balcony. It was high time to clear her mind.

Her trek hadn't lasted for very long when someone casually rounded a corner, catching her eye. Upon suddenly being in each other's complete line of vision, both parties subconsciously came to a halt. 

His spiky, raven hair was disheveled and his nicely pressed tuxedo was wrinkled, the white shirt beneath sloppily undone at the collar with a few buttons unfastened revealing enough of his toned chest. The crimson orbs that peeped out from under the strands of misplaced bangs were foggy but upon meeting her own, they narrowed a moment and then the fog disappeared only to be replaced with bitter mischief. He clicked his tongue.

"Hiei…"

The smile that she tried to muster came after giving it all she had, but it emerged weak.

"Uhh… Hiei… I…"

Another split second passed where he idly gazed at her before wordlessly shoving past her to get to his destination.

"Hiei," came a high-pitched squeal. 

Botan's head whipped towards the corner where Hiei had come from and was surprised to see Juri trip out, her hair just as disheveled and her gown equally wrinkled.

"Juri?"

The girl's eyes widened at the sight of the blue-haired young woman. "Botan? What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be inside?"

Botan failed to answer as her brows creased into a frown, trying to understand yet not believe the situation that could have taken place between her boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, and Juri. 

How dare _he_!

How dare _she_!

He'd been single for no more than two days, and he was already making moves on some girl!

"Oh, wow. You caught the bouquet. Congratulations! You know what that means," Juri continued happily, giving Botan a wink.

Botan suddenly felt ashamed for her anger was misplaced. Who was she to feel anger towards Juri? Towards Hiei? 

It was her fault that they were probably making out in one of the empty side-rooms. She was the one that broke up with him.

Her heart sank. She peered up at him, who, by now, had his hand around Juri's waist.

"What's with the sour face, B? Can't stand the fact that you're not getting any?" He smirked at her reaction; it was exactly what he had expected.

"You know, I was really going to say that I was happy for the both of you, but now I just wanna eat those words! You're such a jerk, Hiei!" She had meant to contain her anger and not be so loud, but her emotion and voice heightened and shrilled on their own accord. Her teeth dug into her lips as she bit down on it feeling the tears of _something _coming.

Juri was silent but the look on her face indicated that she was greatly taken aback. She felt Hiei's body move as his shoulders motioned into a shrug, his smile growing smugger by the minute.

"Don't be jealous, babe. You were the one that threw me out." He tightened his hold around Juri and then turned around with every intention to get back into the reception hall in one piece. "C'mon, Juri."

Unfortunately, the young woman who was figuratively emitting fire from her body thought otherwise. She clenched her fist around the bouquet, trembling and fighting to keep the tears from spilling… just yet. She could take the snubbing and the cold stares, but when he started taunting her, it was a whole other story. Whirling around, she hurled the flowers at the retreating figure making contact with his head.

"Why the hell do you have to be so difficult!?"

Botan inhaled and then stomped off to the balcony, quicksilver running down her face, leaving a stunned Hiei silent at the other end of the hallway.

**

The pink eye shadow began to rub off as Botan roughly rubbed at her eyes to wipe her tears away.

How was it possible for her to love him but simultaneously hate him so much?

_Hate him?_

_What right do you have to hate him?_

_Between the two of you, it's him that should be hating._

She plopped down on the cold marble bench, her hair carelessly being tousled and sent in varying, odd directions by the chilly night wind. Though her body was hot, and from her anger or the previous humidity of the reception hall, she didn't have a clue, one arm had subconsciously wrapped itself around her body and rubbed at her opposite arm while the fingers of her other hand began to fiddle with the thick, silken skirt of her dress.

She missed him; she missed the feeling of the soft, comforting caress of his fingers against her skin; she missed his tight, protective embrace; she missed all of him. And it was all her fault that she felt the pain that grasped at her being.

This was most certainly not the way to be spending what should have been one of the most enjoyable few days of her life. In the sappiest case scenario she could think of, she should have been out there sitting with her boyfriend against the cool, tropical night air, the sound of the distant splashing of the seawater against the rocks and the feeling of being held by someone that reciprocated the love she felt, away from the exuberant antics of those in the reception hall. 

But now, she was alone, and the past couple of days had brought her nothing but stress.

Her fiddling fingers were now grasping at her skirt, though weakly, and her thoughts became clouded, dizzy. A couple of light raindrops fell on her face and bare arms, and though her senses were telling her to get up and take shelter, her body was too tired to do so and her heart was too busy wallowing in pity to do as her body's main operational system had ordered.

A crack of lightning and the loud boom of thunder in the distance didn't make it to Botan as her body became limp before her consciousness was whisked away into sleep.

**

Hiei's eyes groggily opened, his lips twitching upward into a fond smile, hoping to cuddle into the bare skin of his girlfriend beside him. He was greatly surprised and equivalently disappointed to find that one of his fluffy pillows had taken her place.

_"Botan?"_

_Definitely concerned, he propped his body up and was about to jump out of his bed when crimson suddenly met lavender. Her delicate frame sat huddled on the swivel chair at the opposite end of the room facing him, those orbs of lavender looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite read._

_Her damp hair clung to her face and neck and little drops of water still trailed down her cheeks and shoulders. She was fully clothed, much to his disappointment, and he had been too preoccupied with the so-called **morning after** that it had completely slipped his mind to inquire more about the unreadable expression on her face._

_"Morning, beautiful."_

_"Hiei, I think, well, we have to talk."_

_He wasn't listening._

_"Why didn't you tell me you were gonna wash up? I would have joined you."_

_"Please. We need to talk. I…"_

_"How come one year anniversaries only come once a year?" He pouted._

_She sighed and her brows only creased more, her lips trembling a notch higher at the sight of his attempt at ignorance. "Hiei…"_

_"I think we should have them more often." _

_He beamed at the prospect of such, and her tears spilled._

_"I can't see you anymore, Hiei!"_

_Her words didn't register at first, and he looked strangely mechanical wit his eyes shut tight and that goofy smile on his face. The events seemed to go by in slow motion when it was really a second thereafter that the smile vanished and his eyes popped open to search at any hint of truth in her eyes or, if he believed her, any reason._

_There was none._

_"I can't see you anymore. Please understand… Hiei… I am… sorry…" On the surface, she looked so calm as the words tumbled out of her mouth, the only indication of deception the pauses, but it was irrelevant for it could have been taken as if she didn't know how to word her intention. But inside, her head was painful with dizziness, her heart wrenching with regret and confusion, her stomach churning with the burden of guilt._

_"I need to go… Maybe we can talk about it some time… just not… today." _

_She slowly got up and tried to keep her eyes from looking at his still figure, his not seeing her but past her. His eyes did not follow her as she went to the door and turned the knob with her sweaty palms. He just continued to sit, his eyes glazed, devoid of whatever was there before. _

_Whether she knew it or not, she had taken his soul with her the moment she stepped out of his life. His heart had only been a bonus._

_A bonus…_

_Treated like an insurance…_

_Insurance…_

_The door shut behind her with a click the moment both her feet had crossed over the invisible line that indicated the beginning of the hallway from his bedroom. She could see nothing. Instead of being in the hallway as she had expected, she was engulfed in a dimension of endless darkness. She glanced over her shoulder and found the doorway gone._

_She was alone…_

_That's what she had received in exchange for her relationship…_

_Just alone…_

_Perhaps that was the reason for the insurance…_

**

Botan awoke with a start, still not having a concrete grasp on what had happened the night before. When her thoughts had collected itself, the first thing that she managed to notice was that she was warm. There was insulation and the caustic wind was no longer nipping at her. 

The second was that she was lying on a large bed that did not belong to her. 

The third being that she was no longer in her dress, and the last was that the smell of the shirt she was wearing was vaguely scented with a familiar spray of masculine cologne.

At that last realization, Botan bolted up from her initial lying position only to find that her body gave way and she fell back down.

"What the…?" came her jagged whisper.

The door opened, and she found herself staring into an all-too-familiar face, leaning casually against the doorframe.

"You're awake."

Instead of replying, her delicate fingers began to toy with the cuffs of the giant shirt she was wearing. Noticing this, the newcomer nervously coughed and deliberately looked out the window, away from her eyes, which now had gone to looking at him curiously.

"You were drenched so I…" he started, the awkward tone in his voice easily detected. He paused to frown and then shifted his gaze back to her with his famous poker face.  "Well, it's not like you have anything that I haven't seen before." 

Botan nearly choked on the very oxygen that she was inhaling, if such a thing were possible. 

"Y'know, you were doing pretty well with your explanation until you decided to turn jack-ass on me! And you certainly didn't have to take me _here_." Her eyes narrowed suddenly. "It's not like you were _worried_ or anything anyway."

"What the hell was I supposed to do then? Leave you out there to catch hypothermia?" 

The tone of his retaliation was hard and sounded almost… hurt. 

Botan shook her head.

_Hurt?_

Get a hold of yourself, B. After what you did to him, he hates you.

"God, Botan! Don't you ever stop to think about your actions? If it weren't for other people, you wouldn't be alive to even talk to me now."

"Why do you care?" she snorted.

He paused before his crimson eyes narrowed at her. "You're right. Why should I care? It's one less stupid girl to worry about."

She could feel her lips quiver and her skin go numb as his words sank in, almost biting, hurting.

_Maybe you are just a stupid girl. _

_Only a stupid girl would cling to a guy that she's dumped._

_Only a stupid girl would cling to a guy that treats her this way._

_But he never treated you this way…_

_Not until…_

Swinging her legs off of the bed, she tried to find her balance. She wasn't about to stay here and endure this; she sure as hell had better things to do.

"What the hell are you doing?" He stepped forward and grabbed her forearm just a bit too roughly than he had intended. "You really are an idiot, you know that?"

"Let go," her voice was monotone as she shook her arm forcefully away from his grip. "I'll come back tomorrow to give your shirt back and pick up my dress."

Hiei's eyes widened and nearly opened his mouth to protest, but decided against it at the last minute.

"Whatever."

His eyes, aloof, found hers and she looked away.

"You're so hard to understand. One minute you make it seem like you still care for me at least as a friend, and the next minute you're making trite remarks." She pursed her lips. "I genuinely wanted us to be friends, at least, and when you don't even give me the chance to ask for that, it hurts. You're so selfish. You won't even give me your honesty. You really are difficult, you jerk."

"I'm difficult?" came the low, irritated whisper of his reiteration. He forced a chuckle at that and clenched his fist. 

"I'm difficult?" Again, that same bitter chuckle. "Let's get this straight, Botan. I was never over you when _you _dumped _me_! And you never gave me an explanation, and you're saying that _I'm _selfish? Sweet-stuff, you need to get your logic straightened out."

"I never…"

"And do you even know what the hell I was feeling!? Do you even want to know? I'll tell you. Hurt! And to tell you the fucking truth, I'm still not over you!" 

Shocked would have been the world's biggest understatement to describe Botan's feelings and facial expression at that moment. 

"The meaning of _hell_ took a whole new meaning the last few days for me, babe." His voice suddenly softened there before achieving its intensity once more. "So don't you dare tell me that I'm difficult when you were the one that caused all of this in the first place!"

He shoved her away from him then, not being able to bear the indiscernible expression that was now plastered on her face.

"Look, just forget everything I said." He shook his head. "Just go."

"Hiei…"

"Just go!" He motioned at his door sternly and half-expected her to leave, the other half expecting her to…

"I was scared!" She finally managed to scream at him, the tears flying from her pain-contorted face.

He could feel the muscles in his body relax and then a new tension build up as he saw her small frame convulse.

"What?"

"I was scared, okay!?" She fell to the ground and instinctively looked at her hands, which were busy grasping at an invisible material on the carpet. "I never meant to hurt you, Hiei. Never. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, but I didn't know what to do after… that! I was confused. I've never been in a situation like that before. It was different, and I panicked. I didn't know if you still felt the same or if you were ready to dump _me _like everyone says because I… you… I mean, we…" She hiccupped and the tears continued to spill as she felt two strong arms pick her up. 

"I was scared you'd reject me then… so I thought I could escape the humiliation if I let you go. I didn't think you really wanted me but wanted me just for… sex. Everyone was saying it, but I was being stupid and thoughtless and I'm… Everything I said to you… none of it was true! I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to. So please don't say you hate me! Even if we could just be friends…" 

"Shh," he whispered, stroking her hair, suddenly feeling guilty as she continued her shameless bawling and because of her naiveté concerning relationships. He should have known. "I don't hate you, but why didn't you tell me you were scared?"

"I thought you'd only hate me more… I didn't want you to hate me after what we did, and I was so lost. I didn't know what to do, and I panicked."

"You could have told me that it was going too fast. I wouldn't have done… wouldn't have gone _that_ far if you'd have told me."

She shook her head.

"I didn't think that's what you wanted."

"Now look who's being selfish." He tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. "You never bothered to ask me what _I _wanted, and more than anything, I never wanted to pressure you into something you didn't wanna do or weren't ready to do."

She hiccupped again, devouring his words but making no attempt to reply as she sank deeper into his embrace. He didn't make her reply and just continued to sit there with her tiny figure in his arms. It felt good having her there again.

When she had taken his heart and soul, he had also tossed her back all of her insecurities and burdens, but now that he had her in his arms again, it felt great taking them all back, knowing that he could comfort her by just being him.

Out of nowhere, he began tapping his fingers suddenly to a made-up beat on her back. She smiled and shut her eyes.

"So is it just friendship that you wanted?"

She snuggled closer into his body, seeking warmth and something more from him, blatantly ignoring a vocal reply to his question and instead giving him one in the form of an action.

She smiled to herself as they stayed that way for the few minutes of pleasant tranquility.

"Uhh," Botan suddenly took her head off from his shoulder to look up at him, "what happened to the bride and groom and the rest of the gang?"

He shook his head and didn't reply, gently placing her head back to rest against his chest as he leaned himself back into the couch, closing his eyes. 

And he smiled.

**

**Final Notes**: I can't believe I wrote that. Not only was it sappy (sorry if this just made you puke out your lunch or something), but I also committed blasphemy to my personal YYH-based religion. ^^;; I'm particularly possessive when it comes to Hiei (don't hurt me; some of you are just as possessive), so my brain-cells must have been swimming in a particularly un-healthy environment for me to able to conjure this up, but strangely enough, I enjoyed writing this. 

It makes absolutely no sense, and I wrote it on a whim. x) It is the cheesiest thing I've ever written, but I like it because it completely digressed from the usual types of YYH fics I write, which was my intention. Diana-banana is very happy! =]

And I have nothing against Juri so she wasn't supposed to be Hiei's whore or something like that. Never ever! No way! Hehe. I actually adore her; it's Koto that I dislike. *twitch* She's annoying. ^^;; Sorry, if I've offended anyone, but I just don't like her. I wanted to make her eat her microphone at the Tournament. *sweatdrop*

Well, that's it for rants. I really hope that whoever bothered to read this baby thoroughly enjoyed it. =] If you didn't, I'm sorry. Hiei/Botan just isn't my specialty. ^^;;

And last, standard disclaimers apply. I own nothing except for the literary idea so don't sue.


End file.
